Acerbico Post: My Radio Is Scaring the Bejesus Outta Me!

(The following is a guest post from a former Kool Aid drinking friend who has since been turned by conservative talk radio. He asked me to file this for him here. In the spirit of Bill O’Reilly and everything fair and balanced, ladies and gentleman, my fearless, honest and right friend, Acerbico.)

I will admit that I used to believe in the hopeful message of Barack Obama. I used to think that there was a benefit for working together for common goals.  But, I have seen how things really work.  Like my man Jon Justice said – we can’t all be a bunch of John Lennons.  To attain my present state of enlightenment, I first had to shed the blinders of mainstream liberal media.  Instead I came to rely on the good old radio for fresh objective information. I am not talking about that Soviet run NPR, either! The truth that I have discovered on the fairwaves has made me, not only second guess my loyalties, it has made my sphincter tighten permanently. And in case you can’t tell, you soon will; it has made me really really angry. But more importantly, it has made me truly intellectual, not just “liberally intellectual”, what with all their stupid books.

The radio, it seems, is the only place left where you can find the truth. In fact, here in Tucson, Arizona they make it really easy; they call the one truthful radio station The TRUTH 104.1. All caps are a sure sign that it’s extra truthful and extra powerful. Just like how easy it is to see when someone loves just ordinary freedom or when someone loves real FREEDOM. Then, just to make me feel even more patriotic, they have a morning jock named Jon Justice! He’s always lobbing in his high-pitched artillery, blasting local and national socialists alike. Whew, it’s like starting off the day with the fresh smell of napalm in the morning. The TRUTH 104.1 Then, just in case there is any doubt remaining, they have a clever tag line – Fearless, Honest and Right. See, now that’s what’s called a double entrendre, which is French for really clever. It means that The TRUTH 104.1 is right as in correct but also right as in conservative-leaning in political ideology. Now that’s what I mean about true intellect.

Most Kool Aid drinking libs wouldn’t get that. Kool Aid drinkers are brainless apparatchiks who are unquestioningly loyal to some political leader, party or ideologue. See, it’s a reference to the Jonestown cult who all drank Kool Aid because they were so brainwashed by listening to this Jones guy, and not thinking for themselves. So when my man, Rush Limbaugh tells me what all those wacko Kool Aid drinkers are really up to and what I should think about it, I just shout out “Ditto Rush!” Oh, and for all you brainwashed liberals out there, an apparatchik is a Kool Aid drinker. See how that works? Double entendre! I wouldn’t expect you to understand. There are all sorts of things you couldn’t possibly comprehend.

First of all, you think that Obama is so smart because he utilized the Internet to build grassroots support especially among young voters. Hello! Open your eyes. This may seem like a wise strategy, if you are a socialist, liberal Kool Aid drinker. However in actuality it was a diversion to take the national focus away from the real communication power base – the radio. You all think he is so concerned about internet based support and networks? See, even though he has emphatically denied supporting the Fairness Doctrine, Obama does in fact (according to Rush – Ditto!) intend to reenact a 1949 law to limit the power of the radio waves. Yes, he is that dangerous. And none of you even realize it. You are all thinking Internet, when the real thinkers are all in radio.

Oh, and another thing you liberals are too vapid to realize is that right after he raises all of our taxes, Obama is going to take away our guns and our rights and ability to get more guns. It’s true, and I know it’s true because I heard it on the 104.1 the TRUTH which is Fearless, Honest and Right! About ten minutes after the the major networks announced Obama won the presidency, every gun shop was inundated with orders and they instantly sold out, even slingshots, and the FBI had 47 million requests for background checks for new gun owners, and 97.8% of those requests came from NRA affiliated, Republican registered, National Review subscribers. So, it’s pretty easy to see what’s going on here. Obama is going to take our guns, and his followers are all going to come after us. He will mandate abortions and make everyone marry someone else of the same sex. And the little free bibles in all motels will be replaced with Korans. So, you see, I need my guns to protect me from young pregnant Muslim teens on their way home from the abortion clubs and all the gay guys out there who will try to force me to marry one of them. It is all right there in plain sight… on the radio. You just have to know how to listen.

That is not all I have learned. You libs think your man Obama is so articulate. Well, he doesn’t know how to engage in conversation. All his polite listening, exchanging and discussing, makes him look weak. I prefer the conversational attactics of my man Neal Bortz. He’s a master of a really neat trick of using respectful terms immediately preceding an insult. This way he comes across as considerate but also dominant and RIGHT (in every sense of the word!). Some pinhead called the show recently and Neal said, “You, sir, are too ignorant to articulate your thoughts clearly.” Then he hung up on the liberal putz, before he could even respond. Clearly, Neal won that argument. No room for liberal Gotcha journalism on the radio.

Other things you should all be aware of: He’s not an American citizen. He was born in an Al Queda training camp, up in Northern Manitoba, and his half-brother is David Ayers. Don’t be fooled by his undeniable lack of experience, Obama is personally responsible for the nosedive the country has taken over the past 8 years. He will start a secret police force that is loyal only to him. It will be called the Fist Bump Force. Oh, and their little fist bumps won’t be so cute, let me tell you! Obama wants to paint the White House black and then move it, brick by precious brick, to Kenya. Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are really secret relatives of Obama and the $700 billion went to their personal bank accounts where they were quickly converted into Cuban pesos. There are so many items on his secret agenda. I don’t have to to list it all here, or even to think about it very carefully. Thankfully I don’t have to. I have some RIGHT thinking friends who can do that for me. You won’t read about these things in the newspapers or on your precious new-age “Internet”. No, because they are controlled by a the liberal media. Which is just fine with me, because I don’t much care for reading anyway. Besides, it’s all out there for public consumption, provided by the voices of TRUTH on the radio! The true, American, all caps HEROES of the American Airwaves! USA! USA! USA! Ditto!

Submitted by one who never submits!